My Brother, The Stranger

Yesterday, well actually two days ago I had a younger brother(21) and a younger sister(13). Today I have 2 brothers and a sister! I always knew I had an older brother, and I spend many days and nights searching for him. Back in 2004 I posted something on a genealogy site looking for my father. He and my older brother share a name, and that’s how he found me. He not only found me (he had known about me but says he had trouble finding me as well) but he also surprise found out about my brother, his half brother and I also told him our father has two other sons…So Jr is now aware of many many siblings…that’s gotta be strange I had always known…well finding out about the last brother was a shock so I can’t imagine how he feels right now.

So I’m out with some new friends walkin’ around lil 5 points and my busted up cell phone wont close out of my e-mail. My eye catches the name and the subject line that reads “I am your brother” naturally my body freaks out shaking, laughing and crying. Like I said I’d known about him my whole life and my whole life he was never far from thought. I always imagined what it would be like to have an older brother. So on with my story…I was freaking out I only read the first few lines “I am assuming that you are my sister, the evidence at this point is too great not to. I did not have much chance to find you years earlier…..” and at that point I had to call my younger brother and tell him and in all that amazing panic I deleted the damn e-mail! So I nervously e-mailed him back  and I asked him to resend the email and why. He did, and I read most of it while still trying to act normal around these new friends. Not even 30 minutes later he called me. I just let go I couldn’t hold back the tears, I’ve never felt happiness like this. We talked for about 20 minutes…I was at lunch and he was at work, so we kept it short.

We talked again later than night for 3 hours. I was really nervous but he was really good at keeping the conversation going. I could tell he was excited because he was a chatter box. I loved hearing about this person, my brother. How strange it is to try and hear everything, I wanted to know his whole life. He’s so interesting, funny, married for 9 years, traveled to japan, he’s been so so many states, likes metal music & punk stuff too, he’s got a German Shepard, he’s honest…he’s already told me what to do big brother style (I love that feeling of having a big brother), he’s handsome, he’s the oldest out of everyone, I think he really cares about me. This is just amazing.

 My younger brother and I were going to 3-way call him…so he called me and it felt weird to call like that so we hung up and he called him on his own. and a half hour later he called me back all excited and told me to call him next. Ugh I was so nervous I’m sure why cause I’d talked to him for hours the day before. Another thing I was nervous about was what if after a few more phone calls it died out and what if we never really talked again. I’m so scared that I’ll lose him again.

So I messed around thought about ways to get out of talking to him…so I just called. But its so easy to talk to him, I love it! Tonight was more about talking about music and little stories of our past and what music we like what we don’t like…it felt more like catching up with a friend who’d been stuck without a phone for 8 years. He said I don’t care who you are or what you’ve done, you’re still my sister I’ve been looking for, for 24 years.  We exchanged addresses and I think he’s gonna send me a CD of his favorite songs. I have to figure out what I want to send to him. One thing he said was our father would always tell him “oh I put something in the mail for you and he’d never get anything so he’s always loved getting packages. He says he can’t stop looking at my picture and I can’t stop looking at his…I can’t wait to meet face to face!

-Gray

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School

They say you can do anything for a year. So for this year I’ve made the jump and went back to school. I’m studying esthetics and if everything goes according to plan…..I’ll be licensed in 3ish more months!!! I’ve been in school for 9 months now and it’s been a good amount of work.

And it has it’s moments where its fun. Other moments where I’d like nothing more than to drop the fuck out! They change the rules all the time. Its frustrating. Sometimes I feel like I should know more, but the senior students say they felt the same way and everything falls into place in the end.

But right now the hardest part is the other girls. Most of them I love to death, others I fin d just clueless, some are mean and some I don’t even know. But lets talk about the mean ones….so so so many girls call me weird and they say it in such a mean nasty way. I’ll be the first to say I’m different. They way I look with my dark hair and light skin and eyes (no one can guess my ethnicity lol). My humor is dark and dry and completely sarcastic. I always say whats on my mind (unless its mean I’ll keep my opinion to myself). But I guess because I speak my mind, my very strange thinking mind people think its okay to say whatever they want to me. And sometimes it is okay to tell me whatever you like, other times its really hurtful. Just yesterday I was sitting at lunch with some newer girls…one who had been a client before she started school. This girl I went out of my way to be nice to. Show her around, gave her tips about some teachers, introduced her to other students, and one day she had lost her wallet so I bought her lunch. But yesterday, I sit down take one bite of my sandwich and Tori says to me loudly for all to hear, “when I first met you I really liked you, but now you’re so weird I don’t want to be friends with you” um that came out of left field bitch!  After that comment I got up and left so I could eat later with my friends. I could tell she felt bad. They rest of the day she kept trying to give me high-fives, but I was over it.  That was just the last straw, I walk through the halls and that’s just what most people say “you’re so weird, you’re so weird, you’re so weird” ugh enough I got it, I get it I’m strange and you don’t get me. It just hurts when they say it in such a nasty way. It’s hard not fitting in especially when you’re the whisper in the halls.

My dad always says “they wake up and they have to be them, and you wake up and you get to be you.”  I’m lucky I’m me, I like me but some days its hard to be me.

Whatever I’m tried of bitching. Ill post later.

-Gray