Growing Up

It seems like whenever I open facebook someone else is married or has a kid. I’m only 24, most of my friends are close in age. How is it that they all have real jobs, real marriages, and real babies. I bet they come home, take off their boring office suits and make a decent looking dinner, and put said dinner on their nice china (they got for their wedding, I’m sure). That’s not my life. I get home from my shit waitressing job, say hello to my mother, peal off my God awful uniform and eat the dinner my mother lovingly prepared for me. Yes, I live rent free and my mama makes me dinner. Thats awesome, it truly is. But I need to grow the fuck up! I want boring office skirts, I want to make my own dinner. I want to pay rent. I want! I’m so thankful I found something I’m passionate about, and I’m lucky enough to be able to go to school for it. It’s just not fast enough.

I just opened up an invite to a Christmas Eve party. I don’t mean clicked open, this actually came via postal service! Just a few years ago I got the same invite, just much different. This one explains there will be hors d’oeuvres, men will be dressed in ties, bottles of wine but if you have a preference you may bring your own. What’s this about…no tacky Christmas sweaters? Where is the keg? Don’t y’all have a hot tub?

Because I didn’t follow the game plan I’m so behind. I feel like we are all in the 3rd grade, but I keep getting held back. So as my friends grow and progress, I’m still at the same. I have split feelings about where I am in life. I love that I have real life experience and I’ve fought for my life and sanity, my eyes have been open. But sometimes I’d do anything to feel like everyone else. I’ll have a grown up career, husband and kids just not at 24. Today that’s just fine with me.



Getting Happy

The past year my one and only focus was to get happy, be happy, feel happy, and not lie about being happy. That was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You can’t just wake up and be happy. Being happy takes a shit ton of work. But when you focus on just one thing in life, you miss some life. I didn’t do anything else other than get zen with myself.

Then I woke up one morning, and realized I was happy. Shit I did it. I wasn’t sure how I did it.  I wouldn’t  go write an award winning self help book or anything like that. I just cleaned my temple of all negative bullshit. I found that happiness for me was more of a content feeling with myself. I liked who I was at that moment. I’ve never looked in the mirror and been happy with the person looking back. That morning I liked who I was.

After a few months, I looked around and I didn’t have anything. No fun Friday night plans, hardly any friends, no career…and defiantly no future career in sight, no one to wake up too. Nothing, just my happiness. So happiness soon passed. I didn’t go falling down into a sea of depression, but I did realize I did my journey to happiness wrong.

For happiness to work in the long run I needed some plans.